Struggling with Faith
The picture here is of the Baltimore Basilica. I passed it on the way to the hospital the other day. The writing near the gates says it was America's first Cathedral. Catholic charities is also nearby it as well. It is so beautiful.
I have been struggling with my faith recently and my depression is horrible. And of course, anxiety is along with it so it makes for a horrible combination. I am trying to take everything one minute at a time but I find that even that is hard. I find myself praying internally to God asking Him why He never speaks back to me. A lot of the time I feel He has abandoned me. I sin. A lot. I always think I'm not good enough. I've let a lot of people down recently. I have so much fear inside of me. Fear of everything. So much worry. I just want it all to go away. I just want everything to be fine. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to worry myself sick (literally). I don't want to be the center of jokes because I'm being who I am. Why can't people see me as a person? As a human being with flaws. I'm not perfect. No one is. But apparently I have to be perfect for others. Why is it that I care so damn much about people but yet people don't give a fuck about me? But yet they expect everyone to give a damn about them. I want peace. I want peace within myself. I want to hear God. I want to be able to cry in front of someone and that person hugs me and tells me its all gonna be ok. I don't even know why the hell I'm writing this post. I guess its just to vent. I hope there are others out there who feel the same why I do. I hope things start looking better. I am going to make time everyday to pray the Rosary. Even multiple times a day if I have to. Even at work in private on my breaks. I will still continue to talk to God internally in hopes that hopefully soon, I will have some peace. The insomnia, the worrying, the fear, the lonliness, the emptiness I feel will hopefully go away soon. I pray it does. And I pray that if anyone out there feels the same way that it goes away for you too. And peace fills your soul. We are all broken human beings in one way or another. And the only person who can heal is God. Have a blessed night everyone. Take care.