I havent posted in my blog since November of last year. Everytime I try to write, life gets in the way or I am just too tired to stay up and write. Next month on June 11th, my daughter will be 3. It's been a long and hard 3 years. Every time things look up, something happens. And right now things are scary. Even when I get good news, I'm cautious.
The phrase "being a single mother is hard" is an absolute understatement. It's hard, exhausting, challenging, scary, lonely. But it is also rewarding, loving, awesome and fulfilling. I made a promise to myself that this year would be our year. And even though we've had some major setbacks, I still believe it is. Things could be alot worse. I pray everyday. And one of the things that have taken a hit the most is my faith. But day by day it gets stronger and looking at my daughter I know I can't give up. I can't give up on myself and I definitely can't give up on God. Especially when He hasn't given up on us. I know things will get better. And one thing I can always count on is my daughter coming up to me and giving me random hugs out of nowhere.
She reminds me on a daily basis what real love is. One day I sat in the bathroom not long ago and cried. My daughter happened to wake up from her nap and opened the door and saw me. She said, " Mommy crying I give hug." And then she hugged me. I realized then that everything will be ok. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have my daughter. Having her and ignoring those who wanted me to abort was the best thing I ever did. And now she's almost 3 years old. She's smart, funny and very clever. Too clever. She always surprises me.
So as I sit here with her on my lap watching Jurassic Park 3 (she loves dinosaurs) I feel a love that I can't explain into words. And probably will never be able to. She is my everything and i love her with all my heart. Happy Birthday, Selena. ❤❤❤❤